OMG! I’m so fucking faded and I’m the mofuckin’ P-I-M-P! So get this straight right. I went with my homeboys Tim and Gavin last Friday to celebrate my newfound bonus from BKF. In case you didn’t know, BKF stands for Burger King Faggot. Back to my story. We went to the Irish Pub to go get faded LoL. Too bad Hanson and Dan missed out on that night’s festivities. That wuss Hanson had to take finals and Dan backed out. Those wusses are not hardcore enough to hang with me. From that, I have decided to drop them down on my AIM screen name list order to below my hated enemies from the dark side AKA Haters. PWNED! So we begin driving in the car and Tim started flip flopping going John Kerry on my azz. WTF? Faggot. We first decided to go to University Chicken to watch the Laker/Rocket game and eat some buffalo wings. Gawd! That made me have to flex my mental muscle somewhat and my mental breakdown reached level 1. Luckily, I held back and didn’t go AGGRO on Tim’s ass and take out the trash like I did with Dan and Han. LoL. Suckers, they are lucky they didn’t get raped in the mean streets of Milpitas by the Ex-Kon of the Great Mall. Anyways, we drive and we soon arrive at….. Santana Mo’Fukin’ Row ! Yeeeahhh!!! That’s right fools. I be ballin’ here like Jim Jones. We search around looking for parking, but it’s so crowded. Everywhere we see hot AzN chicks hooking up with rich white dudes wearing jeans and blazers. Looks like I got a shot with these AzN chicks since I’m white, rich, well endowed, and equipped with my special cologne, “Money Maker.” We searched for what would have been 5 minutes and I can’t look like a chump to Tim and Gav so I had to ball and get valet parking at the Valencia Hotel. That seemed to strain my mental muscle again so it had reached Mental Breakdown Level 2. Some pent-up aggression had to be taken out on something. So we walk to the Irish Pub where I got faded with my wiggerish buddies last time and looked at the menu. Since Gav is such a cheapass faggot, he said, “So since you are treating us tonight Pat, I’m going to request the most expensive item on the menu which is the Premium Angus Filet Mignon.” Then I responded with, “Oh Nigga, that’s my word, Pho Sho.” So we get our plates and 3 rounds of beer and enjoy our meal. At first sight, Tim and Gav look at the meal and go, “WTF! 30 bucks for that piece of shit small steak?” God! Tim and Gav are so retarded. If they knew anything about fine dining, they would know it’s about the texture, flavor, and cut of the beef that makes the filet mignon taste so delicious. So I had to lecture their ass and destroy them just like I destroyed something else which we will continue on with later due to my pent up aggression from the Mental Breakdowns. After we get a couple rounds of beer, we started feeling a little faded and we start to notice that the waiters are removing the tables and chairs. Whats happening? It’s transforming into a dance floor for the folks. So we start feeling a little lucky and stumble onto the dance floor with the music blazin’. God damn! Who knew that Billy Blanks dance instructional video Tae Bo was just a workout video. I was obviously the best dancer on the floor doing karate kicks left and right, hopping up and down, and throwing punching combinations in the air. All meanwhile choking up and laughing at Tim and Gav. Tim looked like he was having a seizure on the dance floor trying to be a jerk and mack on these fine AzN bitches. Gav looked like a piece of shit fob who didn’t even fit in unless it was a homeless shelter because hes trying to mack on MILFs. Then, the moment of truth came. In slow motion, my eyes crossed with the most beautiful women in the world. I just knew she had to be mine and I was not going to take “NO” for an answer with or without her permission. I start two-stepping and she starts gyrating her body in sexually suggestive motions. I was like a hawk in the sky and she was my prey. I swooped down onto her and we began to freak all night long like horny bunny rabbits. I wanted the night to last forever. We dance for hours on end till I was so sore I could barely dance anymore, but she didn’t want me to stop. Fuck that, I’ll keep going. I’m not a one minute man. We became so close within those 2 hours. I felt like we knew everything there was to know about us. I bought 2 shots of Petron for her and me as we took body shots. She put the salt on her tongue and asked if I was ready. Hell yes I was. It’s like doing the emoticon in AIM for CTRL 4 + CTRL 5. =P + =0. I swooped in and we had the most passionate kiss and took our shots with lime. As the night was nearing the end, I knew I had to give her a final sendoff so she could remember me by. It was that time as the club was nearing an end and people began filing out. I don’t even remember what happened to Tim and Gav. Hopefully, they got raped in the streets of Santana Row. LoL. I took my love Kat back to the Valencia Hotel for the after party. As we got into the executive suite, the pent up aggression and mental breakdowns could not be controlled any longer. I had initiated Mental Breakdown Level 3. The animal inside me was about to unleash and all were going to fall victim to me. So I surprised her by asking her to join me on the table as we have two computers lined up to LAN Warcraft 3. It was the most intense game I have ever had. We traveled as a Demon Hunter and Priestess of the Moon through the wilderness. Our bodies were weakened from the endless battles in the forest as many articles of clothing’s were lost I held my mighty sword and entered the dark, murky caverns. One by one, enemies were coming on by the hundreds. I became fatigued through multiple thrusts to destroy my foes in the dark crevices of the cavern. I even performed a chain combination of the OMNISLASH inside the fish smelling caverns to wreck havoc on those who lay between me and my partner. After 1 minute of intense action in the caverns, I escaped barely unscathed. Kat and I joked on the matter and she asked to use my sword. She handled the shaft with extreme care and precision while playing with it since she studied in handling weaponry. It was a sight to behold as she wielded my mighty broadsword. She became fatigued quickly as did I through her whining and moaning. She then asked me to quench her thirst so I offered her a 150 hit point red potion. As the potion trickled down her face and onto her body glistening in the forest, she recovered her strength. We both laughed at what an adventure it was as we exited the videogame. After a great night of dinner, dancing, and Warcraft 3, I left the hotel room feeling as confident as ever. I was definitely the man tonight and I feel bad for those who missed out. There’s always next time when I get my next bonus. Time to read up on my book, “Rich Dad/Poor Dad.” TTYL. | 
